


How Many Nights Does It Take To Count The Stars

by lost_lunar_wolf



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Projecting onto Peter, Depressed Peter Parker, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Nightmares, Insomnia, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Nobody dies I swear, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Platonic Cuddling, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, but not really, implied/referenced suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25656640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_lunar_wolf/pseuds/lost_lunar_wolf
Summary: "You know,"  Peter started.  "I count the stars most nights.  I find constellations and I count the stars."  He let out a wet chuckled.  "How stupid am I to count the freaking stars?""It's not stupid bud.  I did the same thing you know.""Really?""Yeah.  I used to wonder how many nights it would take to count them all."ORSome nights Peter lays on the roof of the compound, but he never enjoys those nights as he wishes he could.  They are the nights his thoughts become too loud for him to handle, but luckily his Irondad is there to keep him from falling.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	How Many Nights Does It Take To Count The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Here I go already projecting my problems onto Peter, I'm sorry. The tags have most of the trigger warnings but I will put them here as well.  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS; Suicidal ideation, Suicidal thoughts, Depression, Thoughts of worthlessness  
> I think that's all, but if there are any you want me to add please let me know and I will add it!

There were nights where Peter would lay on the roof of the compound or tower to watch the stars, though he never truly enjoyed those nights as much as he would've loved to. They were the nights where his mind was too worked up, his thoughts racing, and the voices in his head were much too loud for him to comprehend anything logical, leaving him to drown in a sea of demons that were trying to kill him.

Tonight was one of those nights that Peter watched the stars while laying on the roof of the compound, legs dangling over the edge. It was a clear night, the type of night where one could see thousands of stars. The moon shined bright which illuminated the sky only making the view more spectacular. Nights like these Peter was thankful he wasn't in the the city, where the prettiest skies were always blocked by light pollution, and the absence of city sounds was a nice change and were replaced by the slight rustling of trees blowing in the breeze. Peter wished he could enjoy the view, but it was still too loud in his head like a never ending war. In times like these, he tried to focus on the things around him like the sound of the leaves blowing or any nearby heartbeats he could hear, hoping that these outside sounds would block some of those in his head 

Peter could sense Tony was on the roof with him, and from the sound of the man's heartbeat he was standing somewhere by the roofs entrance, away from Peter, as if he was trying to keep distance between them or he didn't want Peter to know he was there. The hesitance in the mans presence was very obvious and easy to detect, but Peter understood why it was there.

"You can watch with me you know." Peter spoke, his voice sounded drained like he hadn't slept in days, yet it was almost the exact opposite of that. He slept too much, but he was still so exhausted, his nights filled with restless sleep plagued with nightmares. 

Walking over to Peter from his spot near the door, Tony laid down next to the kid keeping his gaze towards the sky. They sat in a comfortable silence, one where there were no words that needed to be spoken for either of them to understand what was needed in the moment. Tony reached his hand out grabbing ahold of Peters giving it a firm but gentle squeeze. That gesture alone was enough to cause Peter to allow himself to be vulnerable. The kid started to sniffle which turned into quiet sobs. Almost immediately his face was buried in Tony's chest and the man wrapped his arms protectively around the kid. 

"Shhh it's okay bud I got you." Tony whispered into the kids hair, one hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, the other running through Peter's hair.

Peter hiccuped a few times trying to speak through his sobs before finally managing to get the words out, though his voice still broke with every word. "I sit up here almost every night, even at the tower."

"I know bud I'm up here with you every night." Tony said.

"I think about jumping most nights." 

"That's why I'm up here, just incase." Tony pulled Peter closer to his chest. "But you don't, and I'll never let you."

"I have a list of what I know." Peter whispered, shifted slightly so his ear was resting against Tony's arc reactor. "There's only a few things on it, number one is that you'll never let me fall."

Tony nodded wiping the tears away from Peter's eyes that were quickly replaced by more, before pressing a kiss to the boys head. "I'll never let you fall kiddo. You may stumble like hell, but I'll never let you hit the ground."

The two laid in silence, the comfort of Tony being with him helped Peter even out his breaths eventually. His mind was still racing, full of unwanted thoughts, the thoughts that asked, was he even enough, or wanted, or loved? Was he as alone as he thought sometimes? That one he could prove false, his list was in his pocket telling him otherwise, but even a list wouldn't stop his mind from telling him it was true, he was alone, and unloved, a waste of space. 

"You know," Peter started. "I count the stars most nights. I find constellations and I count the stars." He let out a wet chuckled. "How stupid am I to count the freaking stars?"

"It's not stupid bud. It's never stupid. If something calms you down or if you feel like doing that then do it." Tony paused and looked to the sky. "I did the same thing you know."

"Really?" 

"Yeah. Every night when my dad would get mad at me I would go up the the roof and count the stars. I used to wonder how many nights it would take to count them all."

"I wonder that too." Peter said, then tentatively added. "I've wanted to go see them lately."

"I used to as well, but you wanna know something?" Tony asked and he felt Peter nod against his chest. "I can count the brightest stars on my hands. It took awhile, but eventually I learned the stars are always with me. I see them everyday."

"What do you mean?" Peter questioned, lifting his head to meet Tony's eyes.

"The stars that mean the most to you, that have the most important part in your life, are disguised as the people around you that you love. Those are the ones who always light up your life and help you find your way." Tony placed a kiss on Peters head. "I didn't realize it until my mom died and I didn't have anyone except Rhodey. I forgot for a long time after that, letting the demons take over my mind, then after Afghanistan and New York, it took awhile, but I found my stars again."

"You're my brightest star dad." Peter whispered.

"And you're mine bud." Tony confided. They laid on the roof for awhile longer in a comfortable silence before Tony spoke. "You wanna go inside?" 

"Yeah."

Peter stood up followed by Tony who wiped the stray tears off his kid's face before draping an arm over his shoulder pulling him in tight. The two made their way inside the compound and Peter melted more into Tony's hold when the warmth hit them.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Peter hesitantly asked.

"Of course kiddo." Tony said opening the door to his room.

Tony laid on the bed and Peter collapsed onto it beside him, resting his ear against Tony's arc reactor once again. He wrapped his arms around the kid protectively, pulling him close not wanting to let go, refusing to let go, scared that if he let go Peter would slip just far enough past Tony's reach that he couldn't save him. It didn't take long for Peter to fall asleep and Tony was very thankful for that, hopeful that Peter would sleep soundly tonight.

"I love you kid." Tony whispered kissing Peters head. "More than you'll ever know."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! Come say hi to me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lost-lunar-wolf)!


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